Monday, February 13, 2006

Memo: Ohno

Don't worry, Apolo. Once upon a time, Lance Armstrong was a brash young racer who wasn't content with second even though second was all he might have needed to advance to finals. (I was worried about you earlier in the race when you attacked to take the lead. Why did you do that? You had plenty of time to get to the front. Didn't you watch the other qualifying rounds? They weren't really races--the favorites (of which you were one) didn't have to fight for the lead when they finally took it.)

Anyway, you're only 24. You still have time to get a life-threatening illness, make a miraculous comeback, dump your girlfriend, get married, have three kids, dump your wife and kids, shack up with a rock star, retire, get dumped by the rock star, and embarrass yourself when you unretire after a winter of eating donuts, motivated by the less noble parts of human nature: proving your exes and the French press wrong.

Not to mention the other skating events this week...Good luck!